Healing in My Own Time: My Journey Through Grief, Depression, and Rebuilding

[Image by Pixabay]

Life is unpredictable. Sometimes, it hands us moments so devastating that we feel like we’re lost in a storm with no clear direction. In 2022, I experienced one of the hardest storms of my life— losing my parents. Their passing shattered my world, plunging me into an abyss of grief and depression that I didn’t fully understand at first. What followed was a period of extreme retreat—shutting off from the world, disconnecting from myself, and questioning everything. Today, I want to share my journey of healing, the struggles I faced and still face, and how I am slowly rebuilding myself, trusting the process in my own time.

---

---

The Darkness Descends

Losing my parents was like losing my foundation. They were my anchor, my haven, my guiding stars. When they passed, I felt adrift—alone in a vast, dark ocean. Initially, I thought I could just carry on, and I managed to block everything for quite some time by keeping busy. In 2022, I busied myself with looking for a new job, decorating, travelling and even publishing my poetry book, which I had commenced with my mother's support and encouragement. I used to make sure I always came home bone tired. But as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, the weight of grief grew heavier, and it became harder to ignore. Harder to put that heavy smile on my face every day. 

Depression stayed there, gaining strength and enduring my perseverance.  It settled quietly at first, then settled in deeply. As my mother's first anniversary came, it was as if I finally awoke to my new reality. I found myself withdrawing from friends, losing interest in things I once loved, and battling an unrelenting sense of emptiness. Simple tasks felt monumental. The nights became longer, filled with restless sleep, which previously were filled with dreamless exhaustion and overwhelming sadness. I was stuck in a cycle of hopelessness, questioning if I’d ever feel okay again.

---

Switching Off: The Invisible Struggle

In hindsight, I realise I switched off emotionally. I put on a brave face, but inside, I was shutting down. It was easier to retreat than to confront the pain. I stopped sharing my feelings—I felt ashamed, weak, and overwhelmed by the intensity of my grief. I felt like I was just surviving, not truly living.

This period of silence was vital in one way—it allowed me to process the depth of my loss at my own pace. But it also meant I was isolating myself, which only deepened my despair. I knew I needed help, but was unsure how or when to reach out as nothing so far had helped me.

---

The Turning Point: Embracing Self-Compassion

The turning point came gradually. One day, I realised I couldn’t keep living in this state of despair. I started small. I began to acknowledge my feelings instead of suppressing them. I sought support—therapy, conversations with a friend and most importantly, I began to trust myself again.

Rebuilding takes patience. I learned to be gentle with myself, to accept that healing isn’t linear. Some days are better than others, and that’s okay. I am, in fact, still healing now, and I am ok with that. (Paid Ad)

---

The Role of My Website and Fur Family in My Recovery

Two things have played a pivotal role in my healing process: creating my website and my cats.

My Website (DeKove)
Building a space where I could express myself creatively provided an outlet for my emotions. Writing about my cat adventures helped me process my grief in a light-hearted way and find meaning in my journey. Through social media I also connected with others who have faced similar struggles. Knowing I’m not alone gave me strength and a sense of purpose.

Kyro and Cleo
My cats have been my anchors. Their unconditional love, playful antics, and calming presence remind me to live in the moment. They teach me about patience, trust, and resilience every day. Their quiet companionship has been a balm for my soul—a gentle reminder that healing is possible, one step at a time.

At my worst, they were the reason I woke up every day with a sense of purpose. Their routine made it so I had daily tasks to do regardless of my depression. They pushed me into 'switching on' again.

My furry heroes - Kyro and Cleo [Image by Hadinet Tekie]

---

Trusting the Process

Healing isn’t about rushing or reaching a destination; it’s about trusting the process and being patient with yourself. I’ve learned to celebrate small victories—getting out of bed, taking a walk, engaging in meaningful activities.

Self-care has become my foundation: journaling, I am trying to learn meditation (switching off my mind is a real struggle), spending time with my cats, and nurturing my interests. I remind myself that it’s okay to have setbacks and that recovery isn’t a straight line. (Paid Ad)

---

Looking Forward

Today, I feel more grounded. The grief still lingers, but it no longer consumes me. I’ve come to accept that healing is a journey, not a destination. I am embracing my own pace, trusting that with time, compassion, and resilience, I will continue to rebuild my life. 

Hope [Image by Pixabay]

I share my story not for sympathy, but to remind others that they are not alone. If you’re struggling, reach out, seek help, and remember that healing is possible—one small step at a time. Having a bad day does not cancel out all the good ones before it. You will get there at your own time. I will too.

Conclusion

Losing my parents was a profound loss, but it also became a catalyst for growth. Through the darkest days, I found strength within myself and the healing power of my passions and my cats. I am still on this journey, still learning to trust the process, and still discovering my own resilience.

If my story resonates with you, know that healing is a journey unique to each of us. Be kind to yourself, and trust that brighter days are ahead.

---

Warm Disclaimer: Please remember, everyone’s mental health journey is unique. What works for one person may not work for another. If you are struggling with depression, grief, or any mental health issues, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a trusted support network. You are not alone, and help is available. Be kind to yourself, and take things at your own pace.